ELLE: How great a novel is Bel Ami?
ROBERT PATTINSON: Amazing. One of my favorites. The script was really good too; Duroy has kind of changed a little bit.
He�s so cynical in the book, but now he�s so convinced that he knows everything and that he�s been wronged, that he ends up being very earnest. He realizes that the whole world he lives in is based on a lie; it angers him so much that he basically wants to burn the whole thing down�and in trying to enjoy everything, he becomes what he hates most: a pompous little shit.
ELLE: Was it fun playing a ladies� man instead of a celibate?
RP: Completely. I thought it was funny as well�Twilight having quite a bit of a female audience�to play a guy who basically screws women out of money. I like the fact that you never hear of a movie where the bad guy stabs every single person in the back and then wins.
ELLE: So you relished playing a sleazy journalist?
RP: I like the section where he gets a job as a gossip writer and in a completely banal way just makes stuff up�uses the same story and changes the names. I think that still is very, very true.
ELLE: It was once reported that you were pregnant.
RP: Yeah, a couple years ago. That was true, though.
ELLE: Any other odd encounters with the media recently?
RP: A bunch of paparazzi were following me, and I thought the best way to deal with it was to stop my car in the middle of the street and say, �I�m not leaving, and I�m not going to speak to you anymore.� They got all pissed off because they can�t just keep taking the same picture. We were in Venice by the boardwalk, and they kept trying to get all these drug dealers to come up to the car. I was just like, Oh my God, this is insane.
ELLE: Have you ever fantasized about doing something to destroy the �Twilight image� of you?
RP: You know, when the whole thing dries up and there�s hardly any paparazzi around�I don�t know, in 15 years or something�I like the idea of just one paparazzo coming out and trying to get a picture, and I just beat the shit out of him. I mean�out of nowhere�when my picture�s not even worth�and I�ve spent all my money, so you can�t sue me!
ELLE: Is your idea of hell to end up at age 45 posing with Twilighters at a comic book convention?
RP: I mean, that would be totally fine�if I didn�t have any responsibilities, if it didn�t affect my career anymore. I did a couple of those after Harry Potter, when I was totally unemployed. You can have so much fun. There are so many weirdos there.
ELLE: Have you had many near-death experiences?
RP: Yes, loads. I am the worst driver in the world. Every time I get in a car, I call up my parents and say goodbye.
ELLE: What percentage of evil do you think you are?
RP: I mean, I used to think it was more�around 40. I think I was overestimating. I think it�s more like 3, which is very disappointing.
ELLE: Here�s a line from Maupassant: �The essence of life is the smile of round female bottoms, under the shadow of cosmic boredom.� Any thoughts?
RP: That is an absolutely true quote. Round female bottoms are very much a miracle.
ELLE: What would have to happen to make tonight unforgettable? Anything you want.
RP: I just got a little dog, so I�m having a very girly night here with my pup, a rescue mutt. It�s going to sound like I�m making this up.
ELLE: What women did you daydream about as a teen?
RP: I was always obsessed with Kate Moss. On my bedroom wall I had a poster of Linda Blair and Kate Moss. I always liked Jane Fonda. Who else? Ellen Burstyn.
ELLE: Are you ever embarrassed these days?
RP: I guess if you�re constantly in public, you�re not embarrassed about anything. But dancing is my Achilles� heel�I don�t even try. It�s like, �Come on, dance!� �No, I�m not getting up!� I can freestyle by myself with no one watching. I�m a great dancer then.
ELLE: Director Chris Weitz (The Twilight Saga: New Moon) once described you as �bookish� and a �weirdo�in the best sense.�
RP: I guess I used to be weirder. When you�re confronted with yourself too much, you start to think, Jesus Christ, you�re so fucking boring. And the more you think you�re boring, the more you become boring. I talk about myself too much now.
ELLE: Have you seen the documentary Robsessed?
RP: I�ve seen bits, because someone said, �All your friends are being interviewed in it and talking about you,� and I was like, �What the fuck?� So I watched it. I love these people pretending to be my friends and pretending to have met me, having insider knowledge�and actually some kind-of-famous people who�ve never met me, they just destroy their credibility in one swoop. The one frightening thing is they�ve got it on iTunes, and I looked at all the comments and almost every single comment was, �Who is this idiot making a documentary about himself? Who does he think he is?�
ELLE: What are some descriptions of you that you�ve had enough of?
RP: I never got the �brooding� thing. I�ve had about enough of that.
ELLE: What would you like to replace it with?
RP: Brooded. �Rob Pattinson looking brooded.� Brooded: It�s, like, after you�ve finished brooding.
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